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Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Do you ever look at your horses and think “you could have been so much more, if you weren’t just stuck with me?” Do you ever compare where you and your horses are to where other people and their horses are and think “we aren’t doing enough” and get a little upset at that?

So many times I flip through magazines and I see all these people and horses in tip top shape doing all these big things and I get a little down. I lose motivation and I lose some faith at times. I look at my knowledge and skill level for training, I look at the talent and natural ability of my horses and I think, they could have really gone to the top. I look at them in awe of their natural abilities, in awe of their tolerance and forgiveness for me, and I wonder what they could have done under a compassionate, more skilled teacher. I look at other horses that maybe aren’t as naturally talented working and showing under very talented trainers and doing big things and I think “that could have been my horses” if it weren’t for me. If only I had more money to pay someone to help them, to help me. If only I had more skill, more talent, more, more, more. It is so easy to feel guilty in the horse world, to feel like you’re not enough, you don’t have enough, aren’t doing enough. It’s so easy to downplay your accomplishments because you are too busy judging them against others.

But, isn’t that part of the problem with the horse world anyway? Isn’t this supposed to be FUN? Sometimes I have to force myself to take a step back. Maybe even a lot of steps back and look at my horses; Horses no one wanted because they were labeled “problematic” among other things, due to being under the direction of people who didn’t believe in them, pushed them too hard, had expectations beyond the horses skills, didn’t have enough time for them due to other responsibilities, etc. I have to look, I mean really look at how far they’ve come with only an amateur to teach them. I have to look at myself, where I started to where I am now and the skills I didn’t have in the beginning that I have learned over the years. When I really look at all I have learned since I began my AOT journey, not only out of necessity but also out of sheer determination, then I can see my horses have overcome so many hurdles and proved so many things people have said about them wrong. I have done the same myself. These horses have excelled because I have not given up on them when others did. I have made it a point to learn from anyone I can, find answers any way I can, and I have kept that “try, try again” attitude through setbacks, through failures, through all the highs and lows that come with working with horses. I have to meet them where they are, praise them as they stand, and be proud of how much we have done with so little.

At the end of the day, the horses don’t care. They are happy to stand in a field and eat grass and hay and they are happy to be loved and fed and cared for. THey could care less if we go to a horse show. They could care less what anyone thinks. They are happy to have someone kind to help them learn skills they didn’t even know they needed. They are truly and honestly GOOD boys who try so hard. So what if they could have done more? Others with more skills than myself could have done more for them, but they didn’t. They could have ended up in bad situations but instead, they landed with me: The determined amateur. And I won’t stand for ANYONE to talk poorly of my good boys, even if we accomplish absolutely NOTHING. So, why would I stand for myself looking poorly upon our accomplishments? I need to learn to use that at motivation as we ramp up into show season. There’s always things to learn and always fun to be had.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Learn to be happy as you are, and if you want more, go WORK FOR IT!

Back to Work

Before I started on my AOT journey many years ago now, I didn’t know all the details surrounding actually working a horse. I understood things like ground work, long lining, driving, riding, etc. But I didn’t know a lot about when to do what and how much was enough, or when was too much. Since having my horses at home, I’ve walked the fine line and in the end, the horses always tell you what they need. At least if you have opinionated dragons like mine! I have also made it a point to give them some down time after show season is over. This gives them time to be a horse, to get dirty, to play, to have fun, to rest, and many things that I feel are good for their bodies and brains. We may do a little ride here or there, a trail ride thrown in on a random weekend. Some fun stuff, but no serious work. 

Now that it’s the new year, and the icepocalypse and snowmageddon that beat us down the first part of January is finally starting to melt, it’s time to start thinking about our upcoming show season. For us will probably start in April or May. When you’re starting a horse back to work, you can’t just go full blast back the way you were at the end of last season if they’ve had a lot of down time. Think about your own athletic ability. Say you run 6 days a week for 8 months (Feb-Sept), then decide to take 4 months off (Oct-Jan) and enjoy your extra lavish holiday meals with minimum exercise. How do you think you’re going to feel when you pick running back up again at the end of that 4 month hiatus? You’re not going to have the same stamina you had after all those months of running consistently, right? The same applies for your horse(s). You have to build them back up slowly when bringing them back to work. Otherwise, you risk injury, among other things, causing setbacks you don’t want or need. 

So, how do you do that? It’s easy. Same as you would do for yourself. Take the things you want to do, and start slowly by doing shorter, easier works at first. Gradually increase time and intensity as the days and weeks progress. Now, each horse will be different, the same as people. It could take one horse 2 weeks to get “back in shape” while another takes 2 months or even longer. Age, diet, attitude, and how they are kept day to day all play a role in how long it will take them and you have to treat each one as an individual. I like to start by doing mostly walk, a little bit of trot works on the lunge line for the first few days to get them back into the routine of doing something, but give them something that isn’t very hard to do at first. Next, I will add in long lines and work on bending, steering, body awareness, and contact. Once they are going nicely in lines and listening well to basic commands, I bump up the intensity and length of the sessions. Then I will add jogging with a cart to the mix a day or two a week (more on that below). Lastly, I will mix in full training sessions in the saddle once I feel they have built back up a nice amount of stamina and strength. I may saddle them up before that and try to do a light work, or a trail ride, but it’s not going to be intense 3 gait training.

Once they are going under saddle again, I like to remind them of leg aids and voice commands. My horses know these things, but it’s easy for them to forget when they haven’t been doing them consistently every day for months, so they deserve a little leniency when they don’t respond immediately, or they respond incorrectly and need a reminder of what the aid means. Practicing kindness and understanding goes a long way with the rapport you share with your mount. Rest assured, they will remember, you just have to give them a chance. It may not be on the first try, or the tenth, or the 50th, but keep your consistency and they will come around. My guys usually take several weeks of “reminders” to get back to what I consider appropriate responses and times.

I will also add in ground poles (at the walk) and trot work (on their aids) and do lots of transition work between walking/trotting, poles, and backing up. If you have access to hills, those are great at building strength and stamina and promoting proper movement, even if all you’re doing is hand walking them. I like to long line all around my property and the various terrain, as it gives my horses AND me a workout. Let’s face it, I could stand to have some exercise too after the holiday season and all the snacks my Mom made and I was forced to eat. Ok, fine, forced may be a little bit exaggerated but they were there and I just couldn’t let all her hard work or delicious treats go to waste, OK? Don’t judge me! 

If you have access to a jog cart and you and your horses know how to drive, pulling a cart is excellent for fitness and maneuverability. Plus, it helps to save their backs from so much riding, which I like. When my horses are in full work, I do drive them multiple times a week. Fizz knows how to canter pulling a cart, and it’s really helpful for him to still practice it without the weight of a rider. At the end of last season, I started teaching Duke, but then show season ended and they were turned out so I guess I’ll pick back up when we go back to work this year! My horses do prefer less riding sessions and more of other work, so I try to stick to their rules so that they are also enjoying our sessions. Fizz in particular gets really angry if all you do is ride. Duke is less particular, and will accept more days riding, but not until he’s been fully reminded of everything he knows via lunging, lining, and driving otherwise he will make your life a living hell.

Overall, I like to give them at least 60 days of consistent work to get back “in shape” before taking them to a show. Consistent work meaning 4-6 days a week. Now, sometimes this is possible and sometimes not, but that’s my goal.

No One Sees the Magic

There are good days and bad days working horses.  It’s always the great days that no one sees and there’s no evidence of.  I am beyond lucky to have 2 very special, talented horses to work even if no one sees their best days but me. Ideally, their best days would be at a show, in front of God and Country and everyone else, but alas, we are rarely that lucky.

As an AOT,  it’s been a very difficult road (with a stint somewhere in the middle where I just about gave up) but I have learned a lot in 10 years. People have asked me how I do it.  Well, honestly, I didn’t know I had another choice. I can’t afford $2,000-$3,000 a month for professional training (the going rate here in KY is between 1,000 and $1,500 per horse). This doesn’t include any farrier, vet, or other needs. It’s also well above what we pay for our mortgage so… yeah. We are not in a financial position to pay more for horse training than we do for a home to live in.

When you don’t have money but you have work ethic and an undying stubbornness inside of you that refuses to give up, you can create your own 5 figure horses out of next to nothing. Granted, they may not be the best of the best, they may not ever be world champions, they won’t win every class they are entered in, but they are FUN. They are (Mostly) SAFE. They are talented. And if I were to go out and purchase horses of this quality at their current training levels, they would NOT be cheap. Even with their quirks.

$500 horse on left, “free” horse on right. However, just because they didn’t cost much up front doesn’t mean they haven’t cost. They have both had a LOT invested into them. They are worth every ounce of frustration, financial hardship, time, and sanity that I have invested into them.

It’s Hard to See the Forest Through the Trees

Do you ever get that feeling like you’re just missing something? Maybe it’s right in front of your face and you just can’t see it? Yeah, me too. Since Duke got here in July, and even before that, my goal with him has been to get us to a (real) show, under saddle, IN A SUIT, all up in front of the public and NOT embarrass ourselves. We have hit roadblock after roadblock (he had an abscess that took forever to heal, I had surgery that put me off for 6 weeks, WINTER, mud, etc). It’s so easy to become frustrated and sit back and say we’ve gotten no where. The wheels of progress turn so slow, and the winds of change are barely blowing.

However, I cannot in all honesty say we have not made any progress. While the progress sitting in the saddle isn’t as noticeable as I wish it were, and we still have quite a way to go to be ready to hit the show ring, there are other areas where the level of progression is much more noticeable. On the ground, he is a different horse. I can put a brush to his face without him running backwards. I can put a blanket on without him running sideways. I can work around him without fear his teeth will take a chunk out of me when I’m not paying attention. I can use a mounting block. He still hates anything being sprayed on him, but we are working on it. He might squat a little but he no longe3r becomes a crash test dummy who would slam himself into anything around just to try and get away.

I have never dealt with such an incredibly sensitive horse in my life. So, what do you do when you have a horse that is so (over) reactive to literally every move you make? You just don’t react. You keep going. You take it slow, but you make it a point to continue on. Don’t panic when they panic, just keep going like nothing is happening. It’s just not your turn to have a meltdown. And it probably never will be.

I can’t say this is the way to go with ALL horses, but with Duke it has proven to work. After MONTHS of flailing my hands around his face, dropping things on purpose, kicking things all around him, touching him with any oddball thing I may be walking through the barn with (a broom, a rake, a pitchfork, a feed bag, a shavings bag, a giant rolling magnet, you get the point) he finally just stands and looks at me like I’m the most ridiculous human on earth with most things. He doesn’t shake in fear, he doesn’t run backwards or sideways or anything else. If I happen to drop something next to him, I don’t have to worry he might take me out on the way to getting the hell out of there, or that he will break the crossties trying to escape his fate. He stands there, 98% of the time. None of us are perfect, I’ll take 98%.

Duke: “There better be snacks involved after this”
This is his “are you serious?” face

I go by the rule that if you spook at it, you get to wear it or be by it or look at it so you can realize it isn’t scary. It may take a few days of seeing it, being touched by it, etc. Some people might think this is cruel, and to those people I ask: how else are you desensitizing your horses? How are they supposed to understand something isn’t going to hurt them if they aren’t exposed to it? If they are not physically shown there is no harm to come from being “brushed” with a broom or “ridden” by a bag? Or whatever else. Please. Enlighten me. I’m always open to new ideas. Everyone has good ones, and I’m ready to hear them. However, this is what is working so far on my extremely sensitive guy, and he’s no worse for wear. Until a better alternative is offered up or discovered, I will stay the course with this. Do I annoy him? Probably. Is he safer to work around (and even ride) because of it? Absolutely. Does Fizz look at me like I’m a horrible human for “torturing” his brother? Nope. Been there done that is probably laughing from the other side of the divider.

Anyway, just because you can’t see progress every single day doesn’t mean progress isn’t getting made. When you feel you’re in a rut, take a look back at where you were a month ago, 6 months ago, a year ago. Don’t focus on today, yesterday, and the frustrations you may feel in each moment. Don’t look at your end goal and think about how far you have to go still. It can make it seem hopeless, believe me, I get it. Instead, focus on where you came from, where you are, and where you want to be. Adjust along the way if necessary. Look at the big picture. See the whole forest (all the little hurdles you’re jumping on the way), not just one tree (your end goal). It’s OK to trip. It’s OK to stand still and evaluate. It’s OK to proceed with caution. As long as you’re not going backwards, you’re doing all right.

Hay in my Hair and Sweat in my Eyes

It’s been nearly 3 weeks since I pulled the trailer into our driveway with my boys in tow.

Since we are honest folk here at Twisted Sisters, I’m going to lay it out nice and clear for you. If you are a person who dreams of owning a horse and keeping it at home, and also believes doing so is full of nothing but butterflies, rainbows, and unicorn glitter, you are sadly mistaken and living in a dream world. Come back down from the clouds and join the rest of us here in reality. If you are perfectly clean and look like a million bucks all the time, you’re probably doing it wrong.

That aside, it is still in all reality, a dream come true for me. I take pride in hosting my horses in clean stalls, making sure they are fed, and that they always have clean water. If that means I pick stalls every time I walk by and see a pile of poo, so be it. I have that luxury where I didn’t used to and I am grateful for a life that has given me this opportunity. So I will do all the things and I will be happy that I have that luxury. A lot of folks do not. A lot of folks would love to. Some are happy to pay others for the dirty work, but I’m not that kind of gal. I have always dreamed of a life where I could be intimately involved in every detail of my horses care and I FINALLY have that opportunity. I would venture to say most truly hardcore equestrians dream of a life where they can spend it day in and day out doing all the “horsey” things, even the dirty ones. Either way… here’s my experience and things I have learned so far as a first timer having horses at home.

Helicopter Mom: Apparently, that’s me. I installed a camera to spy on the boys. I check it incessantly. If I wake up during the night, I look at it. If I hear a noise outside, I look at it, if I am working or busy and can’t walk outside just to see if they are OK, I look at it. I mean, in the last 2 weeks I have looked at the camera like I believe at any moment either horses legs may detach from their bodies or some other horrific thing might happen. What do I find? Them munching away on hay, looking outside, or laying down sleeping. Perfectly content with life. OR I find Fizz rubbing his tail, and I can scold him through the talk feature on the camera. Both horses now think God talks to them, below is them listening-they don’t know it’s just little ole me.

Hay: I am pretty sure there will never again be a moment in my life where I am not wearing hay as an added accessory to my outfit. It’s itchy and it gets in places no one should have hay, ever. How does it even get there? Does it grow legs and crawl to really weird spots inside your clothing? Just, how?? Also, if you like to watch your money turn to poop… Just look at your horses happily munching on hay.

Sweat: It’s summer here in Kentucky. It’s HOT and it’s HUMID. I spend a lot of time outside and always have but when you’re working with horses it seems like the heat is amplified 10 fold. I can’t explain why. My eyes have never burned so much as in the last several weeks. I think I’ll keep this as opposed to frozen fingers, but still. I am pretty disappointed I’m not skinny yet after all of this sweating. The universe owes me an explanation on this.

Poop: So much poop. Like, I realize they are large animals and I have worked jobs where stall cleaning was a part of it (back in college and as a kid) but there is SO MUCH POOP. Literally they are poop factories. How did I not remember this? And I feel for all of you who have barns full of horses because just these two create so much!!!

Dust: There is literally so much dust. I use a combination of pellet bedding and bagged shavings, which I had read this combo was supposed to be low on dust. I would like to know what definition of “low dust” is on the internet because this is not it. Therefore, I have been researching this. Evidently, I need to “water” my stalls. Um, excuse me? I don’t even water my flower beds. Those things need to live off the water God gives them or they don’t survive well here. Somebody send help.

Crisis: If you think you’ll never feel like you are in a crisis, just give it a minute-one will come and your little fantasy bubble will have been popped. If you have thought about it and planned for every crisis you could think of (like me) and think you know how it will go, just know it goes nothing like you thought it would. Also know that of all the crises you could think of, the one that will happen is something you NEVER thought of. There’s a back story here I might visit later, but my first “crisis” was experienced and it is over now. Bless my husband, my friends, and my very lovely Vet for putting up with me. I probably worry way more than I should.

Bills: There are just SO many bills. Hay, grain, bedding, vet, farrier, supplements, and the list goes on and on and on into eternity. Some bills can be more than you expect, by a LOT. You might think about finding a street corner to call your own, but in the end you’ll do whatever it takes to make sure your horses are healthy and happy. Even if that might mean eating ramen and never leaving your house again.

Help: Having help is CRUCIAL. I can’t say this enough and to those of you out there doing it by your very lonesome, what kind of super hero DNA do you have and where can I get some of it? Or are you just an alien with weird superpowers I can’t even begin to imagine? Because I would NOT have made it even these last few weeks without my poor non-horsey husband who has gotten a very rude intro on how to restrain a contrary horse, how to work a twitch, and some of the other unpleasant things things that come with being around horses. He has also been learning how to pick stalls and he does so without even being asked. BLESS HIM. Ladies, a lot can be said for a man who isn’t into horses but cleans stalls without asking simply because he knows YOU want your horses living in the cleanest stalls in America. I would also not have survived without my Mom, who comes over simply to make sure I don’t die while working these creatures. She’s a saint.

Work: Having horses at home is work. I work a real big girl job. I spend every other amount of time doing things for the horses and the dog. What exactly is this “spare” time everyone speaks about? Who exactly in this world gets to “sleep in” because yeah, that’s not a thing here (for me). Everyone else is taken care of before me. I am the last to eat, the last to be clean(ish-you know, because hay exists…), and I’m fairly certain the horses stalls are cleaner than my house. I can barely manage to do something as simple as boil noodles and slap sauce on top for dinner most days. Dishes left in the sink? Oh well, maybe I’ll get to those tomorrow. Or not. As long as the 4-leggeds are taken care of those dishes can sit another day. Paper plates? Meals that don’t require silverware? Even better. Sign me up.

LOVE: These animals have so much love to give. They make me laugh daily and they fill my heart with so much joy despite all of the above. I truly enjoy simply watching them exist day to day. Every person has good day and bad days, and I believe all creatures do. Our job as humans and facilitators of these animals is to make sure their days are all as good as possible, and understanding that they too, have days that are “off” and they deserve our compassion and understanding. No one, and no animal, is perfect all day every day. These horses (and our Dog Dixie) give me a break when they know I’m having an off day. They offer me peace and acceptance, despite my shortcomings. The least I can do is offer them the same.